How to Spot a Romance Scam: Learn the tell-tale signs to protect yourself and your loved ones

Romance scams are a form of online fraud where scammers specifically target people looking for love via internet dating sites or social media. After creating a fake profile and making initial contact, fraudsters gain the trust of their victims over a period of time, eventually manipulating them into sending them money, personal information, or gifts. 

You may assume that such cases are rare – or exclusively target people who aren’t internet savvy. But you should think again: as documentaries like The Tinder Swindler have shown, young people who are familiar with online platforms can also be susceptible to the techniques used by scammers operating over dating apps. 

As online becomes the main way for people to meet potential partners, romance scams are becoming more and more common. According to YouGov, three in five dating app users (61%) say they frequently encounter accounts they suspect to be fake. And Lloyd’s Bank have reported that the number of people falling victim to romance scams increased by 22% in 2023, compared to 2022.

Romance scams do not just wreak financial harm but inflict serious emotional damage upon those who are duped into forming deep connections with the scammer before being asked for money or personal information. In this article, we explain how romance scammers operate, so that you can keep yourself and your loved ones safe.

How does a romance scam work? 

Romance scams are unique, and particularly harmful, due to the way that fraudsters build a relationship of trust and apparent emotional intimacy with their victims over time.

After luring someone in with a fake profile, romance scammers will often go to great lengths to gain their victims’ trust and convince them that they are in a genuine relationship: They will spend a considerable amount of time communicating with them – texting, chatting or on the phone for many hours a day. They will also get their victims to share intensely personal details, from their hobbies and interests to their romantic history and dreams for the future. 

Once they’ve gained the victim’s trust, and got them to emotionally invest in the relationship, they start asking for financial support or gifts. These requests are often accompanied by highly emotive stories, such as needing money for emergency medical care, or to pay for transport costs to visit the victim if they are overseas.

Romance scammers are not afraid to pull on the victims heart strings or give ultimatums – using highly emotive language or emphasising the difficulty of their circumstances and need for help to manipulate the person into sending them money. They may also try to explain the requests as a normal part of a loving relationship – making them seem reasonable and not a cause for alarm or suspicion. 

Considering joining a dating app? 10 things you need to know when joining dating apps.

How to spot a romance scam 

We can all be susceptible to being duped by others – but perhaps worse is when we dupe ourselves. With romance scams in particular people can overlook peculiarities out of desire for the relationship. There is no shame in being lied to – and it is important to keep your eyes out for the key signs of a romance scam. 

Spotting scammers on dating apps can be very tricky but there are a few things that can indicate that the person you’re chatting with is trying to scam you:

1. Too good to be true

Scammers often portray themselves as ideal partners— charming, financially and personally successful, and eager to build a relationship quickly. They may make grand promises – holidays to exotic destinations or a lifestyle of luxury – or claim impressive achievements or jobs like military personnel, doctors, or engineers working abroad – jobs that will be used as a reason not to meet or justify poor communication patterns later on. Their profile pictures may be a little too polished or like stock photos. You can use Google Reverse search to check if the pictures match the person you’re talking to. 

2. Fast intimacy 

Romance scammers lure victims in by expressing strong feelings very quickly, often after a few messages and without having met in person. They might quickly declare their love or start using terms of endearment within a few weeks of being in contact. 

As well as being overly affectionate, they will try to get you off the apps and begin communicating on another platform very quickly. As annoying the messaging platforms on dating apps can be, you’re safer and it will be easier for the app to help you than if you move on other messaging platforms. 

3. Evasive about meeting in person

This is a huge one. If the person you’re talking to refuses to meet in person, to have a video or phone call with you and citing excuses like work obligations or being in a remote location, it is highly likely to be a scammer or a catfish. Someone who’s interested in you will want to meet you in real life. 

4. Vagueness or inconsistent details

While romance scammers will ask ther victims a lot of personal questions in order to build intimacy they may avoid answering questions about themselves or only offer vague responses. The details they do share may seem made up or unrealistic – their stories about themselves or their life histories might not add up.

5. They have no social media or the information doesn’t match

Scammers might have little to no social media presence or an account that seems hastily created. If you’ve used the reverse search and you see the information doesn’t match or, worse, people have flagged it on forums, this is your sign to report the person and leave. 

6. Poor grammar and spelling

Many scammers operate from countries where English isn’t their first language, so watch out for oddly phrased sentences, inconsistent language patterns, lots of spelling mistakes. Especially if someone claims to be university educated, poor spelling and grammar can be the most obvious sign of a bigger web of lies.

7. Requests for money  

This is the ultimate red flag. Even if the reasons seem legitimate, or the desperate request of someone in a time of need – common reasons include a medical emergency, travel expenses to visit you, or business troubles – talk to your friends and family first. As well as a sense of urgency and/or a dramatic story, scammers will use a technique known as “lovebombing” to get you to send them money, gift cards or cryptocurrency.

Remember, no potential romantic partner should be asking for money – especially when you barely know them. Before sending anything to anyone on the apps, ask yourself: “Would you lend money to a total stranger no matter the reason”? 

Signs your loved one is being scammed  

Beyond the people who are targeted directly, romance scams can create a lot of distress for people who suspect that their loved one is caught up in a romance scam. Friends and families of victims may have feelings of suspicion or a sense that something is not right but may be met with hostility when they try to voice these or question the legitimacy of the relationship. 

While not wanting to cast doubt on or crush the reality of your loved one’s feelings or hopes for a relationship, it is important to intervene if you suspect they are being manipulated.  

Signs your friend or family member may be involved in a romance scam include:

• They may express very strong emotions and commitment to someone they have only just met
• They have sent, or are planning to send, money to someone they have not met face-to-face – taking out loans or withdrawing from their pension to send money.
• They may be secretive about their relationship or be keen to provide excuses for why their online partner has not video called or met them in person – this will be amplified if you have challenged them about it before.
• They might become hostile or angry, and withdraw from conversation when you ask any questions about their partner

What to Do if You Suspect a Scam

If you think you’ve been a victim of a scam, don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed – you are not alone.

• Stop Communication: Cut off contact with the suspected scammer immediately.
• Report Them: Notify the dating platform and report it to Action Fraud on 0300 123 2040 or via actionfraud.police.uk. If you are in Scotland, please report to Police Scotland directly by calling 101.
• Tell your bank: Make sure that your bank is aware of what has happened – especially if you have previously authorised any transfers of money. 
• Warn Others: Share your experience to help others recognize the signs of a romance scam.

What protections exist?

Unfortunately, there is not enough protection and support for victims of romance scams. 

If you try to transfer money to a “friend or family” your bank should remind you to be suspicious if someone you haven’t met in person is asking for money. However, sometimes the bank’s security procedures don’t do the job. 

If you’ve been a victim of a romance scam and feel that your bank failed to protect your finances,  you may be eligible to make a compensation claim. Claiming would not just help you recover your financial losses but places pressure on your bank to be more proactive in protecting their customers from romance scams.

Our recommended provider for bank fraud claims, UK Fraud Helpline, will handle the details of your claim – and help you get compensated for your losses if your bank let you down.

Make a claim now 

If you have any thoughts on this topic, or any other consumer issues you would like us to cover, feel free to get in touch with us at support@resolver.co.uk.